A kiss is the touching of one person’s lips to another place, which is used as an expression of affection or to show respect, and as a greeting or a farewell; kissing can be used to express romantic affection or sexual desire. The word comes from Old English cyssan “to kiss”, in turn from coss “a kiss”. It is generally considered one of the strongest ways to show affection. – wikipedia

Meanings of Kisses

Kiss on the hand means… I adore you.

Kiss on the cheek means.. I just want to be friends.

Kiss on the chin means… You are cute!

Kiss on the neck means… I want you.

Kiss on the lips means… I love you.

Kiss on the ears means… Let’s have some fun.

Kiss anywhere else means… You’re the best.

Types of Kisses

Below you will find a variety of kiss types. If you find some that catch your fancy, feel free to try them 🙂

Butterfly Kiss – With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Cheek Kiss – A friendly, “I really like you” kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner’s shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Earlobe Kiss – Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.

Eskimo Kiss – With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together.

Eye Kiss – Hold your partner’s head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go… then slowly kiss up towards your partner’s eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes.

Eyelid Kiss – While your partner is resting/sleeping with eyes closed, very very gently kiss the spot right below their browbone. A very intimate kiss.

Finger Kiss – While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable.

Foot Kiss – An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.

Forehead Kiss – The “motherly” kiss or “just friends” kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

Freeze Kiss (or Melt Kiss) – Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It’s an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold.

French Kiss – The kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the “Soul Kiss” because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth’s breath in the exchange across tongues. Surprisingly, the French call this “The English Kiss”.

Fruity Kiss – Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips (juicy fruits such as grapes, strawberries, small pieces of pineapple or mango are ideal). Kiss your partner and nibble one half of the piece of fruit while they nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.

Hand Kiss – Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hickey Kiss – The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Hostage Kiss – Cover your lips with tape and get your love’s attention. When they come near, make noises like you’re trying to tell them something and motion as if you can’t get the tape off. Once they remove the tape from you to hear what you’re trying to say tell them: “I’ve been saving my lips all day just for you!” Then kiss your love passionately!

Hot and Cold Kiss – Lick your partner’s lips so that they’re warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate.

Mistletoe Kiss – Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Letter Kiss – Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX.

Lick Kiss – Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along you partners lip whether it be the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Very sensual.

Lip Sucking Kiss – When kissing gently suck on their lower lip. This can be very exciting.

Neck Nibble Kiss – Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip Kiss – This kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations.

Reverse Lips Kiss – It involves standing above your lover and kissing them from over their head. This way, each kisser can take the hyper-sensitive bottom lip of thier lover in their mouths, and GENTLY draw blood to the surface of the lip by nibbling and sucking. A very sensuous, connecting kiss.

Searching The Cavern – Use the lips and tongue to gently tickle and kiss your lover’s navel. Vary speeds and stroke to change sensation. Invigorating and intoxicating.

Shoulder Kiss – Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Sip Kiss – Take a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it.

Talking Kiss – Whisper sweet nothings into your partner’s mouth. If caught in the act, simply say as Chico Marx, “I wasn’t kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth.”

Teaser Kiss – Starting on the forehead, a sweet short kiss on lips, then move up the arms up to her hand, kiss her hand, then come back up her arm, to her face and then lightly kiss her lips till she wants a passionate kiss.

The Buzzing Kiss – Gently place your lips against your lover’s neck , behind their ear. Now, send a shudder through their skin by gently growling and humming, vibrating your lips and cheeks as you do so. Move up and down the neck, over the bones of the face and lips. Stimulating and erotic when done correctly.

The Whipped Cream Kiss – Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It’s very seductive and passionate.

Tiger Kiss – Quietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too. This will surely surprise them.

Trickle Kiss – Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner’s mouth while kissing.

Tongue Sucking – A variation of the French kiss. During an open-mouth kiss gently suck on your partner’s tongue (not too hard because it may hurt). Very sexy 🙂

Quickie Kiss – When you’re in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips.

Vacuum Kiss – While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Wake Up Kiss – Before your partner awakes lean over and kiss their cheek and move over giving soft kisses until you reach their lips. Definitely a more than pleasant way to wake up!

Virtual Kiss – For Internet lovers. Send an e-card or a kiss via email with this symbol: :-*

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
Customer,”This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to

you.”The barber puts a dollar in one hand and 25 cents in the other, then

calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes 25 cents and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out

of the ice cream store.
“Hey,son, May I ask you a question? Why did you take 25 cents instead

of the dollar?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the
dollar,the game’s over!

A Tribute to Beer

June 17, 2008

A Tribute to Beer

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
–Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re
sober.
–William Butler Yeats

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
–Ernest Hemingway

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
–Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.
–Anonymous

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
–Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
–Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity
that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
–Ross Levy

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
–Anonymous

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all
of the time and have the time of your life.
–Anonymous

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
–Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go
to heaven Sooooo, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven…
— Brian O’Rourke

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
–Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
–Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind
is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
–Dave Barry

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
–Homer Simpson

I drink to make other people interesting.
–George Jean Nathan

F U C K

June 13, 2008

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language
today is the word “fuck”. It is the magical word which, just by its sound can
describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical catagories. It can beused as a
verb both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by
John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary
really doesn’t give a fuck), and adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as
a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an interjection (Fuck! I’m
late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy,
fuck she’s also stupid). As you can see there are very few words with the overall
versitility of the word “fuck”.

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used To describe
many situations:

1)Greetings…………….”How the fuck are ya?”
2)Fraud………………..”I got fucked by the car dealer.”
3)Resignation…………..”Oh, fuck it!”
4)Trouble………………”I guess I’m fucked now.”
5)Aggression……………”FUCK YOU!”
6)Disgust………………”Fuck me.”
7)Confusion…………….”What the fuck…?”
8)Difficulty……………”I don’t understand this fucking shit!”
9)Despair………………”Fucked again…”
10)Pleasure…………….”I couldn’t be any fucking happier!”
11)Displeasure………….”Fucking shit man…”
12)Lost………………..”Where the fuck are we?”
13)Disbelief……………”UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!”
14)Retaliation………….”Up your fucking ass!”
15)Denial………………”I didn’t fucking do it, I swear!”
16)Perplexity…………..”I know fuck about it.”
17)Apathy………………”Who really gives a fuck anyway?”
18)Suspicion……………”Who the fuck are you?”
19)Panic……………….”Let’s get the fuck out of here!”
20)Directions…………..”Fuck off.”
21)Incomprehesion……….”How the fuck did you do that?”

It can be an anatomical description………….”He’s a fucking asshole.”
It can be used to tell time…………………”Its five fucking thirty.”
It can be used in business…………..”How did I wind up with this fucking
job?”
It can be maternal………………….”MOTHERFUCKER!”
It can be political…………………”Fuck Newt Gingrich!”

Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:

“What the fuck was that?”
–Mayor of Hiroshima–

“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?”
–General Custer–

“That’s not a real fucking gun.”
–John Lennon–

“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?”
–Captian of the Titanic–

“Who the fuck’s gonna find out?”
–Richard Nixon–

“Heads are going to fucking roll!”
–Anne Boleyn–

“Any fucking idiot could understand that.”
–Albert Einstein–

“It does so fucking look like her!”
–Picasso–

“How the fuck did I work that out?”
–Pythagoras–

“You want what on the fucking ceiling?”
–Michaelangelo–

“Fuck a duck.”
–Walt Disney–

“What do you mean why…becuase its fucking there!”
–Edmund Hilary–

“Don’t fucking light that…”
–Joan of Arc–

“Scattered fucking showers my ass.”
–Noah–

“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.”
–John F. Kennedy–

“Houston…we’ve got a big fucking problem…”
–Crew of Appollo 13-

500$…

June 13, 2008

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says: “I’ll give you $500 to drop that towel that you have on.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $500 and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower: “Who was that?”

“It was Bob, our next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says; “did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?”

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Variety love letter

May 3, 2008